In the American Christian culture, we have been seduced by our belief in the fundamental right for us to keep whatever we want private from whomever we want. Now, before the conspiracy theorists run off half-cocked and start screaming about “Big Brother” and how awful it would be if we didn’t have privacy laws… stop - I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about me… and you - especially if you’re a Christian. I’m not saying we should let the government or anyone just start poking around in our lives without due cause or due process - I’m talking about our own fundamental attitudes regarding our lives and who gets to know what.
In our churches - especially among men - we have something I call Mutually Assured Depravity. I know I sin, I know you sin, I don’t know yours and you don’t know mine… let’s just keep it that way. After all, unless my sin becomes public, why should I burden you with the struggle of being embarassed to know me? So, although confession is something that is clearly discussed in Scripture (James 5:13-16; 1 John 1:5-10), we do not practice it in spirit.
Don’t get me wrong - I know that many of us can claim that we practice it technically because we have no problem raising our hand and saying that we’re dealing with “anger issues” or “road rage” or “pride” or “jealousy” or some other socially acceptable sin (made so due to our adoption of a humanistic moral code rather than a Biblical one). But heaven forbid we talk about real problems like porn addiction, dislike of our spouse, theft, deep hatred, or mental infidelity (fantasizing about a person who is not your spouse).
In his book Humility: True Greatness, C. J. Mahaney discusses at some length our need to be proactive in confession. If we truly desire to pursue Christ, we must utilize the greatest earthly tool we’ve been given to help root out the sin in our heart - other people. We know our sin. In our darkest moments and most difficult times when we reflect on the condition of our heart with an honest eye, we see the monsters that lurk within. Richard once preached about knowing what the monster looks like and ensuring we tell the people we love so they can more readily know when the monster is ruling our actions or motivations.
The problem we have when we seek correction for the sin in our heart is twofold: 1) most of the people we would confess to will readily forgive us just to make the uncomfortable conversation go away or 2) we are really only trying to get it off of our chest and have no real desire to change. This has a tendency to lead us to a place where we confess with the pure intention of being forgiven and prayed for AND having no desire to really change. What’s worse? The confessor and the confessee both want it this way. Mutually Assured Depravity.
How do we break this? We must intentionally seek a person who is both willing to listen with grace and without judgment, but also willing to take us to task and hold us accountable. Once we find this person, we must be honest with them and listen to the very difficult words they have to say. Wow. Finding that person is hard enough… being honest with them? Incredibly difficult.
Step 1 - be that person. Stop judging people by what you think their sin might be or what you think they might not get about the Gospel. Stop considering yourself somehow more enlightened or blessed with knowledge than others. Recognize your own need to root our your sin and how desperately depraved you are when left to your own devices. Recognize that you are the worst sinner you know… it’s absolutely true. If you ever believe that someone else’s sin is greater than your own - you are in a desperate state and I recommend you find someone to kick you in the butt until you recognize just how stupid (and dangerous!) it is to think that anyone else’s sin is in any way greater to or equal to your own.
Step 2 - be honest with the person closest to you. Start small if you’d like - but start. You start seeking correction from this person. If you’re married - it should be your spouse. If you’re not, it should be your closest Christian friend (of the same gender - really, I mean that). Start talking to them not as a counselor, but by asking them to help you by explaining what the sin is and how you act when you’re in that state and then ask them to pull you aside and start asking the hard questions when you start acting that way. You must seek the help of others or your own sin will kill you, or at the very least make you utterly useless to others who need the same thing.
Mutually Assured Depravity is an infection in American Christendom. Why do pastors fall into sexual or relational sin? Why do so many people flock to churches that have absolutely no implementation of church discipline? Why do so many marriages look great until they don’t? Why do so many children leave the church as soon as they graduate from high school never to return? We have no culture of confession. Instead we have mimicked the World culture and created superheroes, rock stars, and mini-Christ’s incapable of heinous sin. It’s a lie - we’re all capable and it’s about time we admitted it to someone.
Hopefully, you see in these writings a man who is staying The Course and pursuing The Path amidst the pitfalls and selfish ways of being a son of Adam. I pray earnestly that my writing would encourage some of you by showing you that this journey - though arduous and sometimes tragic - is a journey of great satisfaction. A satisfaction greater than our greatest imaginings. The trials and refining fire of tribulation are to be recognized as a small shadow of the suffering of our Savior so that we can rejoice, as Peter and the disciples did, to be counted worthy to suffer for the sake of the Name.