So, I’m getting close to making some decisions… well, actually, I think I have made some decisions regarding my procrastination and how to move forward from here. My problem is that I seem utterly unregimentable. I can give myself a schedule, allow for free-time, make it seem perfectly reasonable and within days I’m chafing against this vicious taskmaster. So I change the schedule to accommodate and the taskmaster seems to follow me… er… viciously.
How do you regiment the unregimentable? How do you organize someone who rebels constantly against his own attempts to organize himself? I am, perhaps, the most fickle person I know. I have a Zune Pass because having to purchase all the music I’m interested in discovering and listening to would bankrupt me. My amazing wife has to constantly look for new recipes as history has shown I will quickly tire of whatever delicious thing we might have. I rarely go to the same restaurants because I can’t stand the repetition. And yet, I still like comfort: I will always eat pizza, for instance (though I never tire of new places to eat it). I love chocolate chip cookies (too much). I’m sure there are other things, but they escape me right now.
I wrote the above in February and never finished it… here’s where I stand now… I’ve realized that w/o real goals for the “things I want to do” I won’t actually do any of these things I’ve decided on. Whenever I think I’ve decided on something, I remember the story:
There are four frogs sitting on a log, one of them decides to jump in the water, how many are left? Four. He only decided, it won’t matter until he actually jumps in.
So, even though I’ve made some decisions, little has actually been done due to the lack of real goals. So, this is obviously the next step… taking some of these decisions and putting actual goals to them. The first goal has been set… but it’s audaciously crazy and I need time before I state it publicly (sorry… I just need some time to determine my actual, real, capabilities).
Hopefully, you see in these writings a man who is staying The Course and pursuing The Path amidst the pitfalls and selfish ways of being a son of Adam. I pray earnestly that my writing would encourage some of you by showing you that this journey - though arduous and sometimes tragic - is a journey of great satisfaction. A satisfaction greater than our greatest imaginings. The trials and refining fire of tribulation are to be recognized as a small shadow of the suffering of our Savior so that we can rejoice, as Peter and the disciples did, to be counted worthy to suffer for the sake of the Name.