Self Portrait - 006 - 2010I grow weary of doing good. It’s true. I hate to admit it, but there you have it. There are days when I feel like I’m just doing as little as I can to keep everyone believing I am a good person. (Now, Calvinists… yes, I know that none of us is truly good… but let’s table that for now, eh?)

Each of us is our own worst enemy. Just when I think I’ve started a plan to succeed… I give myself a solid head-butt to put me back in my place. How dare you believe you can do more than this! If you actually succeed… the bar just gets higher, you moron! Do what it takes and stay working just a little more than the next guy and give it a rest!

The truth is, I know that goodness is unsustainable in my own strength. The longer I cruise on my own will power and stamina, the more that my actions are a mere shell… a facade… an outright lie. I cannot sustain any attempt to be better than I am… after all, like a master logician, you are what you are and you cannot be more than that or you wouldn’t be what you are.

But Christ promises more, doesn’t He? By adding the Spirit of God to the equation we truly are more than we are because it isn’t just about who we are in our own strength. As my pastor, Jacob Vanhorn, reminded us this past Sunday, this isn’t simply about getting out of the way – no it’s about allowing the Spirit of God to redeem every facet of my being: my personality, my desire, and yes, even my quirks. Everything that makes me who I am is better when that facet of my being is empowered by the Spirit of God.

So, I’m reminded that when I grow weary of doing good it’s simply because I’m once again, relying on me. I’m trying in vain to be my own redeemer. I’m desperately banging my cymbal so that everyone notices who I am. May I once again rest in the Spirit and allow Him to lead and empower my steps so that I truly am more than I would be in my own strength: better, stronger, faster… for His glory.